Susan Kirkland (bio)

You've heard about Elliot Spitzer, ex-Governor of New York, exposed in some of the same activities he used to prosecute others. I wonder which one of the bad boys he prosecuted set him up. He spent $80,000 at the Emperor's Club and couldn't hop a plane to Vegas where it's legal? New York Magazine has him on the cover with an arrow pointing to his crotch, labeled "brain" probably because the guys who wrote the article were jealous—that woman Spitzer hooked up with was drop dead gorgeous. Anyone might consider switch hitting. The magazine asked several art directors to provide visual interpretations of Spitzer's week; but only one out of ten was a woman in the entire city of New York. What, only men can illustrate the feeling of losing everything in one fell swoop? I don't think so.

Sex as an issue is everywhere, but more so, here in America. Hey, I like sex; but privately. And I'd like you to have it privately, too, at home, in a hotel or in your car or plane and always on your own time. After hours, peachy; but on the clock, who's doing your job? That faux pas at the office; the locked door, the tousled clothing when the door is finally opened, the illicit partner hiding behind the open door, the slow-to-assemble-excuse for the delay in opening the door. Spare me—yes, fix your hair and straighten that tie. Politicians in particular should behave mindful of the attorney's rule, avoid any hint of impropriety at all costs. Recently there's been far too much of it; still a senator Craig; a guy who voted so far right his neck is permanently cricked, voting against everything remotely connected to alternative lifestyles, reaching out to touch someone in the men's room of a major airport. If you read the transcript of his arrest interview, the hedge is evident. It isn't that he's gay, picking up people in public places or that he's a senator; the question inevitably rises—how clear is his thinking in areas pertinent to his job in the United States Senate if he can't see how obvious his sideway maneuvering was during his arrest? All that denial and cloudy judgement probably isn't compartmentalized and might leak into legislative judgement (oh, no, that's right, lobbyists write legislation). There was Senator Strom Thurmond, someone who fought against anything that advanced people of color for years, who admitted in his will that, yes, indeed, he had fathered a child with one of his black servants. Good enough to feck* but not good enough to reap the benefits of white people—interesting but antiquated concept. Congressman Fry and his inappropriate emails to young congressional aids smacks of pedophilia, and this week, perjury by the mayor of Detroit and his young assistant in order to hide a clandestine affair. Oh, and that guy campaigning for his wife now, Bill Clinton; he did not have sexual relations with that woman, remember? Uh-huh, just another orgasmic conversation in the hall with a full mouth.

A few years back, an organizer at an advertising seminar said the reason it was so difficult to find women speakers was that there weren't many qualified women in advertising. He complained about women in the work place; training them and how they leave to make babies, as if we did it to ourselves. Women were unreliable, he said, they lacked commitment to the job. Now, here's an idea on applying that double standard: Maybe we need to rethink men in the workplace since they can't seem to keep it zipped. Or maybe, even better, we need to remember that we're all human beings and fallible as well as equal.

*Feck is the polite substitute provided by the excellent writers of Father Ted, a good laugh.

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