Susan Kirkland (bio)

While I was opening a plastic container the other day to make a quick sandwich, I realized I was having a hard time removing the fugitive glue that held the cardboard identifier to the top of the reusable container. Oh, it wasn’t a blister pack, but just an insert attached with wads of rubbery glue that temporarily adhered to identify or deliver product packaging. What’s with the name—is this because fugitives frequently have sticky fingers, become unglued easily or because they rarely stick around for long? The thought of this wacky nomenclature drew me into the wide assortment of brutal terms used in our industry.

And then someone on the Wise Women Web list brought up the term violator which used to be called a burst. Bursts were supposed to make you think the product improvement was so recent, they had to apply a sticker to the box just coming off the conveyer. I suppose some designer was so put off by the addition of a tired old starburst in their design that they might have felt violated. I suppose having a graphic violator imposed on your design might make you want to just die, as in the male and female die used in embossing. This brings to mind some maniac standing on top of a victim, shouting “Die, die, die!” as he stabs them to death, or should that be clobbers them to death using a slug? Would the murderer be required to jump on a deadline and nail it? Did the victim leave a widow? Nah, the dummy was a dropout. His name was Doctor Blade.

Over at the print shop, they speak like killers and brutes, too, using terms like trapping, shooting stick, dead-on, knockout, hanging (up or in), hits, frayed, scuffed, hits, slur or burn; and when that’s all done, they put your stock on the guillotine for a nice trim, just like they gave Marie Antoinette. But no worries, they always break for color. Photography, too, is toying with gorey stuff like head shot, blow-up, and shoot—at least they do it at a distance and don’t get their hands bloody. We’ve got the bleed, punch, strike, stretcher, sniping, and dead color. Oooh, that’s messy. Have we hit the skids or been reamed? Take that, I'm going to whack you with a stack of 500 sheets of paper!!

My favorite describes any component of the process that conspires against reason to put ink on the nonprinting part of a plate, and then transfer unwanted scum onto the sheet. Scum is a greasy film that sensitizes non-image areas into accepting ink when it’s got no business doing so—an irritating, bloody nuisance.

If I use laid paper for a reproduction proof, will it prevent issuance and reproduction? And another thing, did you get all those hickeys rolling around in the gutter? Let’s see what you can come up with—add your graphic violence jargon below.

Thanks to Scott Hamrick at Earth Media Printing in Houston and the Wise Women for their contributions.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thinking of freelancing for a living? Tired of doing the boss' castoffs? Better get some good advice on how to protect yourself from those who would rape and plunder your creative talents. Look for more stories and adventures in advertising design in my book Start and Run a Creative Services Business. It's filled with great links and a full spectrum of experiences. Not an artist? You'll be in stitches as you follow the pitfalls and adventures of self-employment. And if you've been freelancing for a while, you'll find new information and a trustworthy mentor to stand by your side through thick and thin in Start and Run a Creative Services Business. Excerpts are available online at my website.